I feel like abortions should bother me more
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
