I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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