Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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