I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
