he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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