Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
