we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
