On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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