Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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