Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
