I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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