my sisters under your porch take her home
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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