just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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