I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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