I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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