i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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