I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
