you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
