To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
you never un-have a 4some
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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