Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I need to calm my uterus...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
