he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
