I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
