I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
