So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I can't turn off my feet"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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