Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
