Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
