I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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