Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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