You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
God I need to hump something, right now.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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