He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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