"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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