next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
