k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cat food counts as protein by the way
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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