i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
