Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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