the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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