Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
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