it was like his penis was on wheels.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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