I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
