I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My cat gives me a boner
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
