I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
