somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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