uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
