hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
