my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
