I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just gargled with NyQuil
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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