If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
