All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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