ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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