I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
