Your face is a jimmy john
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
