it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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