dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
