Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
