You can't special order awesome
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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