I'm gonna have a badass scar
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
