apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
