i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I looked at my own cervix.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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