peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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