I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
