Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
