So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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