i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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