We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
