Yo dont text me then not text me
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
