Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
