Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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