dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
