He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
someone owes me an orgasm
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
