So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
