What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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