Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Boobs speak an international language.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize