And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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