I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
