he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
