The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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