You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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